Fourteen years ago, I delivered my son Gabriel Christian stillborn. At the time, I thought that his big brother's, William's, preterm birth, hospitalizations and health issues were some of the most challenging times of my life. Little did I realize that two years later, I would be faced with times that I found to be even tougher - Gabriel's stillborn birth, my husband's infidelity, and a struggling marriage. I was blessed to have a loving support network of family and friends, but I still felt very much alone. Stillborn births, infidelity, and marital issues were (are) taboo topics that people just did (do) not talk about. I had a hard time finding someone to talk with who had similar experiences, who I felt could understand the depth of my pain, my grief, my shattered heart. Luckily, I found solace in therapy and the love of family and close friends who did their best to empathize with me.
This past fall, model and TV personality Chrissy Teigen shared her pain and grief after delivering her stillborn son. She explained that she shared her photos and her experience for "the people who lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like." I appreciated her sharing her story, and wish someone had shared something like this with me 14 years ago. I might not have felt so alone.
Over the years, I have learned that our truth is our power. Our stories connect us with one another in ways we may have never thought possible. This post is for those who share the story of feeling alone at some point in their life, and need some reassurance that others have lived it as well. Time continues to heal the wounds, and it does get better. My husband and I rebuilt our marriage with a stronger foundation, we had two more children who have brightened our lives (making us a family of 6 with 1 in heaven), and I have grown to be more loving, more grateful, and more resilient. I am thankful for every aspect of my life - the ups and downs and everything in between, and I am thankful for all who share in this life with me.